It was during a meditation several weeks ago that some very clear words came into my thoughts about the topic of my next blog. Apparently that would be LOVE! My eyes sprung open, I threw my hands in the air and exclaimed (somewhere between normal and very loud tone), “You have got to be kidding! Me, talk about Love!”. That word that gets stuck in your throat when you have to openly speak it. Writing about it should be easy though, right? Well, no, it’s not easier at all, it’s like trying to swim through treacle. I have a physical reaction when I think about the word Love; like a clenched fist from my solar plexus to my throat.
Consequently I decided this was a ridiculous topic and I would leave it to someone far more informed and comfortable with this four letter word than me. Apparently I wasn’t supposed to let this one slide. My topics of conversation don’t usually come from my conscious mind, but it is my conscious mind that has an opinion on it and procrastinates until the reminders get too insistent and I take notice.
For a week I would wake up randomly through the night with the same song in my head. Not the full song, just one line. You may remember “What is Love” by Haddaway that was released in the early 90s (it’s on youtube if you need a musical reminder). So every day I hear these words, “What is Love, baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more”, like a broken record they go over and over in my head. When I say, “I hear these words”, they’re like thoughts that land in your mind out of nowhere. You might be thinking about your shopping list and then in the middle of pumpkin, celery, chicken, stock, What is Love drops in and then you’re back to onions, garlic and mushrooms. I’m sure this happens to you. Anyway, I didn’t pay too much attention to this either, I just sang it because it was in my head. And then last week I was driving, not thinking about too much and I started singing it again, well more like singing very loudly What Is Love and then kind of mumbling, baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more. It gave emphasis to the words What Is Love and it dawned on me, like a slap in the face, that this was a reminder that I hadn’t written my blog about Love yet.
So here I begin this next few hours into the uncomfortable! And perhaps because this is a challenge for me, it would make more sense that I should be blogging about the difficulty in expressing Love, rather than Love itself.
There are some easy emotions to express like anger, frustration and happiness and then there are the ones that require a much more herculean effort. Like Love and crying, for example! How do you feel about crying in public? It’s something I’ve battled with for years. It makes me feel embarrassed and a bit pathetic. But is it really? Do we always need to be in control of our emotions? What is it exactly, that makes us need to be so stoic and strong? Is it genes, upbringing, society, culture, past lives even or perhaps we’re just emotional perfectionists and it’s not appropriate to show weakness and vulnerability? Probably a bit of everything, but if openly crying and expressing Love is just an emotion then why can’t they all sit at the same level of ease? I have friends that do this well and I really admire them.
Coming back to the difficulty with expressing Love. We either find this difficult or not, but what I do believe is it starts with loving yourself. You must learn to Love yourself, before you Love others. An old cliche I know, but it’s true. If you don’t Love yourself, how do you learn to? Well you need to practice. Practice being more compassionate, kind, generous and loving towards yourself. See yourself as magnificent; because you are. We all are. Don’t beat yourself up every time you decide you’ve done something unacceptable, wrong or less than perfect. Don’t compare yourself to others and stop worrying about every little thing that you can’t control and isn’t really going to make a difference to your life.
There is no doubt a lot of work needs to be done in the subconscious mind to drag out stinky old beliefs like being unworthy and of no value and breaking down self sabotaging patterns. You start with just practicing (or pretending) that you are fantabulous and on the side, in your own quiet time you dig around a little into the subconscious to see where this stuff has come from and to clear it out. There are a few ways to do this. Maybe you need extra help because there’s a lot of work to do. If that’s the case I can highly recommend clinical hypnotherapy. This is a very personal thing and you need to find someone that feels right. It may take a few phone calls or appointments to find that person, but be persistent. You can meditate to access your subconscious mind. This can bring up many deep seated emotions, some that appear out of left field, some you’re ready for some you’re not. Remember, to clear these emotions you need to experience the feeling of that emotion to let it pass and release. You can reprogram your subconscious with affirmations by repeating certain phrases over and over in your mind or out loud.
When you honestly know that you Love yourself you can then genuinely show Love to everything; whether it’s your partner, family, friends, colleagues, pets and even your home or the land you live on. You may need to pretend for a while, but with practice it will not only become more natural, but it will be innate.
It’s not easy! There’s no magic pill to sort out your shit. You’ve got to be willing to participate in your own healing and happiness. We all know anything worthwhile takes hard work, practice, commitment and effort. But it’s worth it don’t you think. To openly show Love, give Love, receive Love or just be Love is, in essence, happiness. Being comfortable with Love effects how we sit in our world. Break the shackles you’ve trapped yourself in, because in Love there is balance, in Love there is freedom.
“Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the
barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi